


The Last Petal

by Sombereyes



Category: Mai-HiME
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-01
Updated: 2013-10-01
Packaged: 2017-12-28 04:04:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/987436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sombereyes/pseuds/Sombereyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A string of loosely related one shots. Many types, themes, and genres inside. Most of them romance, and all of them Shiz/Nat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Yay real life, for further being a pain in my rear end. Okay, guys, this isn't good news, but it is news. I had several chapters prepared for today in a mass upload. However, thanks to last night's wind storm that totally demolished my fence (and my power for a short time) I now have to retype everything I'd written from last night, purely because my computer went back to it's restore point...5 chapters from various things, all poof!
> 
> (This is why I swear by both hard, and soft copies of everything. Those just hadn't been backed up yet, since I was still typing when my power cut.)
> 
> That said, I'm going to be running into a few blockages with real life stuff for now, so I thought I'd start a story with loosely tied and related one shots. So that's what this is, a string of loosely related one shots, that do have an actual flowing story to them. Do you have to read every single one for it to make sense? No, probably not...but I would recommend it. This one is merely a drabble to kick things off. The preface is just the opener to tie everything together, so I know it may seem just "Meh" but please, just bear with me.
> 
> The "beginning" of the story will come in chapter two.
> 
> Don't own Mai HiME.

**Preface**

It was destiny from the start.

Tragic perhaps, that they shared a fate no one would dare wish to experience. Horrific indeed, detailed by their memories. Haunting probably, gifted by voices in the shadows. Incomprehensible surely, by those unlike themselves. It would be without a doubt, the rise and fall of who they were. At the start of it all, young women. It was decided by fate, that the world around them began breaking them down, and rebuilding all that they knew. Everything they themselves understood, it fell, shattering like glass.

However, the story foretold by a simple little song, a rhyme that as they say, is little more than a fairytale...well, it is little more.

A truth, a segment, a memory...but alas, no matter what they wish to call it, the Carnival was merely one tiny moment in time. A blink of an eye. A single, hesitating pulse, [mingling](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8929098/1/The-Last-Petal) with fearful breaths. It was history, one, sadly, that just happen to rear ugliness every several hundred years. Other than that, the Carnival was just a passing phase, a time of trouble now over and done with.

Natsuki and Shizuru never really knew what was in store for them, and although the nightmarish memories may never fade, both of them could tell everyone, their journey didn't start with fighting, and it surely didn't end by the hands of an obsidian prince.

There was no lord, no king of their lives...no one ruled over their future...just, as it seemed, fate didn't dictate their past. No, that was quite by chance, both of them were sure.

It all started quite vaguely, and without pretense. It wasn't as if Natsuki had chosen that particular flower for any exact reason. It wasn't as if her palm called for it directly. It wasn't as if Shizuru couldn't be a naturally outgoing person by nature. The fate of the world didn't magically align with their meeting, and it surely wasn't the guidance of the star that made Shizuru wish to understand the reclusive, hardheaded girl. A girl of midnight tresses, who's name became known by paper slips, and dentition notices. The gods of the underworlds didn't damn their very lives purely by forcing them to meet in a garden. Their most important person could have ended up being anyone, and no, they were not pulled down by fate.

They both refused to believe in fate, because then, they wouldn't have had a choice.

Natsuki was Headstrong, and Shizuru refused to accept a cadge. It would have to be by choice, merely their wish that they remained friends, and perhaps something more...it had to be theirs, and theirs alone. However, it begged many questions, and they refused to answer most of them. A quandary perhaps, but one they dived into wholeheartedly. It was merely by chance, pure luck, or perhaps their choice to get to know each other. That was their story, and if it happened to be a fabrication, they refused to care.

It was their tale to tell, and they were sticking to it.

Natsuki would say that it was a flower, and a soft voice, that gave her reason to falter. That crimson eyes gave her reason to stutter and blush, but it was perhaps, a simple word, that had opened up her eyes to the world around her. To hear Natsuki speak of their past, she would say it befuddled her. Something so casual invited many things, but it wasn't without dilemma. What was such a word? Friendship, something Natsuki Kuga had heard about several times, but had never truly experienced. Conflicted, and confused, Natsuki found herself at the mercy of a teen who could see through her so completely. It was with slow acceptance, one unlike Shizuru had ever been accustom to dealing with. Natsuki was not one to take simple worlds idly, and never laying down. She was not one to blindly accept a kind offer, and to merely touch her, would warrant violent backlash.

Everyone knew Natsuki Kuga was one student that no one dared to trifle with.

Her reputation preceded her. So she found it odd when Shizuru Fujino, one of the most popular girls in school, began to hover around her. She was almost like a pest. She was annoying, inquisitive, and never without a retort. Her teasing something both endearing, and completely horrifying. Natsuki hated her at first, as Shizuru expected would have been the outcome. Over time, without either one of them truly noticing it, Shizuru's lips spilled one single word that fell like a definitive weight over both of them.

Friends.

However friendship grew, and so too, did the hearts of these two young woman. Their lives had revolved around singular words, phases, and names. People and places alike took on a new definition for them every single day, and to describe their world, and themselves, they realized it became all the more important. After all, Natsuki's views on many things were only negative, and in the pit of emerald fury she knew she would never fully understand Shizuru's sights.

In return, Shizuru knew she couldn't say the same. She'd never see Natsuki's forgiveness, or her own forgetful heart. Crimson eyes, both calm and understanding also held their deep secrets, the color of her eyes just as deep as the rivers of blood she spilled. For them, to define the world, to protect themselves, it became far more difficult. Still, the power of one word alone, was simply strong. Something that she just couldn't say, and thus, it was perhaps, how they began to move forward, speaking things that could slip easily from her tongue, trying to understand, the meaning she simply couldn't define.

Love...it was easy to say...but it was not perhaps so simple to learn. The lessons many, and the truths grand. Just like the petals on a flower, just like their words filled with meanings, they began to color their world, the only way they knew how. Within hues all of their own, just like the flowers in the garden, so vast and so very fragile...


	2. Chapter 2

**The Last Petal  
Word One: Admittance **

Her mind played history, as if it were a requiem, and she hated that no matter what she did, she could not sway her mind to do as she demanded of it. Studying should have been the highlight of her day, but she could not force herself to do it. She was driven to distraction several times, by many things, and she felt the undercurrent of fate dragging her by the toes, as if she could do nothing but follow along, and the silence of her dorm room did nothing to quell her beating heart...it would prove pointless to reason with her mind, and with her parched throat, she decided she would give into her mounting desires.

She closed the thin math book she had been gazing at blankly, and placed down her pencil and paper with perfection, she frowned though, noticing she would never complete her homework in advanced accounting if she kept up her inward onslaught. Her slow steps into the kitchen echoed, and she found that she hated the gloomy day that seemed to peek in from the windows. Inwardly she wished she had taken Haruka's invitation to go to out and walk around the [campus](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8929098/2/The-Last-Petal), but reprimanded herself immediately for doing so, knowing that would be of little help.

Natsuki was like a dark plague for her mind, and she wished dearly, that she could make the feeling in the pit of her gut go away.

[Classes](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8929098/2/The-Last-Petal) were out now, and a few of the students would likely be spending their time enjoying the relaxation. It was recuperation that many needed, and Shizuru couldn't deny she wished dearly that she could be in such a position. Free from responsibility that seemed to fall over her shoulders like a cloak. Her eyes inspected her water, sighing at the clarity, wishing that there would be fog, at least then, the imperfection that seemed to loom over her would go away.

Hopefully, then, it would leave her well enough alone. She remembered well, that's the way Natsuki liked things.

Shizuru missed her dorm being askew, longed for the small space that would be filled with laughter, and subsequent snarling, on any average day. She missed the classrooms, and being harassed by fans who may have been brazen, but at least weren't catching her eyes. Natsuki had always been her distraction, but [university](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8929098/2/The-Last-Petal) women were of many ages, sizes, and shapes. Some were intellectuals, and she often felt as if she should try to put herself out there, some of these women open enough to admit they could love another.

Some of them were fetching, and even Shizuru found her eyes becoming lecherous at the sights of a few beauties. To touch and taste them would indeed be pleasurable, and a few of them were not ones to keep their legs crossed at all times. If she'd wanted an easy target however, she knew she would have sought one long before Natsuki.

 _"And yet, so soon one forgets, Natsuki is not within grasp."_ Yet, even that wouldn't fill the deep void, and she knew that...she could recall when she made this choice...deciding to leave the high school campus, even if she hadn't been forced into doing it.

The memory was easily something she both loved and hated. The day was bright and sunny. It was the day strictly after the fighting...she could recall it...but she couldn't ever rid herself of it...and it was the latter she wished to do most. _"But even I failed to follow my own advise. I'm so pretentious in that way."_ The ringing of her phone alienated her just enough to send her spiraling down into memory again, after she pointedly hung up on the caller.

"Natsuki...please forgive me..."

She could say that time and time again, it wouldn't change anything. She'd said it before, during, and even after the carnival. It was after the carnival...Shizuru remembered clearly, that she pushed Natsuki away the final time, in such a way, that she doubted that Natsuki would ever wish to repair the fractured damage.

It was with a stray tear that had drifted down her cheek, that she squished a flower in her hand, crushing with it, all of the things she'd once said, all of the things she'd truly believed in. Sighing as it fell onto the path laden with brick, each one meticulously put into place. Shizuru had often walked in the gardens as a student, had met Natsuki doing much the same, her anger something vicious. Her pain tangible in her eyes, both unwavering and never trusting. To the effect of a metaphor, Shizuru had often tried to quell the anger she saw in young emerald eyes, and back then, she wanted nothing more than to really spark confidence. She hoped for a true dream within the future.

But that dream had been clutched away by kind, yet wounding words.

The church was well enough destroyed, and her clothing thoroughly tattered and torn, just like her heart. The whimsical moments of the final battle rang in a victory for some, but Shizuru, she felt as if she'd lost everything, and she hated herself for it. With a sigh, she curled into herself more, looking just beyond her knees at the flower she'd destroyed, feeling as if she'd done exactly that to Natsuki's heart, and inadvertently her own. She wanted to just have everything end.

To just go away, and become nothing...as if nothing was the end...and that end was little more than simply solitude.

The wind was a gentle breeze, the sun was high in the sky, and with only a few clouds to sprinkle the otherwise clear, beautiful blue that seemed to be perfect, she almost felt as if she were living in the past...as if she were in Natsuki's place...but, that part reminded her of sorrow. It dug deep. If it were the past, if they had changed positions, Natsuki would be there...Natsuki would be gentle, and with soft words, she'd quell the anger. She would take care of the cold fire that was trying to eat the bitterness of a woman, and the torment of a soul.

This wasn't the past...and it wasn't a pipe dream. It was the day after the carnival. The day after the fighting, the day after hell rained down for all of them...the day everything people claimed as normal, suddenly became completely unnatural. On that day, hell froze over...

And on that day, no one knew what to do.

Natsuki no longer needed to take revenge, and still, she went missing, as per her normality...but somehow, Shizuru knew, that if Natsuki was feeling at all like the others that moped around, she was feeling just as lost, blank, and without a place in the world she could turn to for guidance. Shizuru knew that there were others feeling the same, even the school nurse was caught up within the madness, and her eyes wouldn't stop crying tears of mixed, and very befuddled feelings, all the while refusing to release Midori from her arms.

Even the pang of friendships, and unrequited love struck home...and Shizuru knew she wasn't the only offender...perhaps, only the worst one.

Mai cried for hours in Tate's arms after he came back and the fighting was done. Yukino finally had to sit down and open her heart, finally coming out of the closet she'd been hiding inside of...and while Haruka wasn't sure how to deal with the truth of it all, Shizuru knew down the line, they'd work things out. Reito had his little sister to spend time with. Everyone around Shizuru had been making amends with the past. In failing that, they were coming to terms with truths that were now glaringly obvious.

Her own, well that was something she had to accept...the details sinful, and her desires dreadful.

She had contemplated leaving Fuka, finding a collage someplace far away, but try though she might, she knew she would never want to endure such a distance, and besides that, the university she was going to attend was only a few short blocks away. If she so desired, she could stay in her dorm. It was something she'd been considering before the carnival, simply so she could stay with Natsuki. Fuka University would be a mere limo or taxi away, if she decide she didn't want to walk, and she felt, at one time, that it would do her well to stay among all of her friends...not just those in her graduating class.

It was her reasoning, one that she'd told her parents in great detail...even if the dorms at the university campus were bigger, and far more comfortable.

Though, before the carnival occurred, she could think of only two students that would really be left behind. Yukino, Haruka's eternal shadow, and Natsuki...who should have been a university student anyway. Now though, there were a few more that came to mind, and though, she doubted she would find herself particularly interested in making bonds with many of them, there were a few that she owed her kindness, and her unwavering gratitude.

Still, she regretted very much the ideal that someone, anyone, such as Natsuki would even want to be anything more than friends after what had happened. The mere idea was dangerous...but even more than that...Natsuki had already voiced an answer. A rejection. A soft, gentle, and kind rejection.

"You shouldn't do that." The husky tone was like music to Shizuru's ears. "You're going to get all dirty." When she looked up, green eyes started at her though the visor of a thick helmet. It was like magic when Natsuki began to take it off, letting her dark tresses of midnight fall around her like a waterfall. "Plus, I'm sure that's a pretty good way to piss off the staff." When her boot nearly squashed the flower, Natsuki frowned, picking it up, looking at it intently. "Did you do this?"

Shizuru had been quiet, and fearful, so she merely nodded. Swallowing hard, as she tried to think of something to say. "I think I finally understand, why you found it so appealing."

"Because I was an idiot?" Natsuki offered, there were only two petals left on the flower, clinging reprobate and forgotten, though they were.

"No, Natsuki." Shizuru sighed in defeat, taking it in her hand and letting it drift back to the ground. "Because that's what broken people do." It seemed logical now, so clear, so crystal. "They break things...bring pain to others, because that's all they know how to do anymore."

"Well, you've already beat the crap out of it, if that was your goal." Natsuki said, picking up the flower again, only one petal left, it was battered, and bruised, it wouldn't survive, and Natsuki frowned at that. "In the end, it's just a flower...no one cares about one single flower, Shizuru." Under her knee were a few of the petals that hadn't wafted away. There were also some bits of torn grass, and Natsuki wondered idly, just how long Shizuru had been left alone within the recesses of her mind.

"I do." It was an empty retort that made Natsuki curse under her breath.

"Then why did you hurt it?" Still even as she said that, she shook her head, this day, it would have been perfect among friends, but alone, it was as if the sky was laughing at them. Kneeling half in the grass, and half on the brick, Natsuki just ran her fingers through Shizuru's fawn tresses. "If you cared, why did you hurt it?"

"I don't know." That was all she could offer. "I felt as if I was doing the right thing, but we both know that has nothing to do with it." There was something out of place about the entire thing, and her heart was simply numb now, accepting that Natsuki wouldn't love her. "It doesn't, so then..." Her questions couldn't be given a voice...she didn't want the hurt. "In the end, I guess I just forgot what it means...what I meant to do, every time I saw you." She hadn't meant to do anything, her confession locked away, deeply within her heart, and she had little faith in it then, and had absolutely none now. "It was so hard not to say, but in the end, I never really said it in the first place."

"You always put up a pretense for every single action, do you realize that?" Natsuki grumbled then. "We both know we're using this stupid thing as a front, but that's the only way you ever really say what you mean. When you think I'm off in some other world, not focused enough to really get it." In the past, Natsuki would have overlooked it again, would have passed by the simple idea as a flower being the embodiment of their situation, of their entire internal battle. "But I am focused Shizuru...and my eyes are on you." With one gloved hand, she gently turned Shizuru to face her. "So I can see, very clearly, the things you don't want to say."

The wall came up, that easy to grasp wall.

Shizuru closed her eyes, turning her face away, hoping that her tears wouldn't fall. Praying that her resolve would fall back into place. "There isn't anything to worry about." Shizuru said then, rushing for an answer, something, anything, to keep things to herself. The faintly glimmering hope in her heart something that was just beyond measure, and she feared the warmth, one that was like a candle, would burn out. She couldn't let it happen, couldn't let Natsuki reject her again. Once had already been hard enough. She couldn't take it a second time. "I'll be fine Natsuki, I assure you of that."

"Stop it." Natsuki growled, she was stronger than Shizuru when it came to brute strength, and with a scowl, she forcefully, yet gently turned Shizuru to face her again. "Look at me." Natsuki's voice wasn't ever so stern, so strong...and the assertiveness was something that scared Shizuru. "Open your eyes, damn you...look at me."

"What would be the point in that." Those feelings, those sickeningly hopeful thoughts that began to twirl in her mind grew stronger, and she hated that she was losing her composure. Tears finally slipped out from her closed eyes. "I don't want you to see Natsuki, so just, let go of me." Even her voice was wavering, and that once smooth accent, one so enticing to the ears, shook in fractured waves. "You don't want to see me like this."

"I'll tell you what I want to see." Natsuki stayed firm. "I know best, the things that I want. Right now, I want you to open your eyes." Inwardly she was biting the inside of her cheek, forcing herself to sound that way, but anyone who had been looking would see something entirely different. Something hesitant and fearful lacing her hardening eyes of emerald. "I can already tell that you're crying...what else do you have left to hide from me?"

That was a question she didn't have an answer for. "It could be anything." Still, slowly, she did open her eyes, blurry from the tears that she had to keep blinking away. "It could really be anything." She wished she knew why she felt compelled to be brought to tears, but her mind was moving at a snails pace, her heart like a jackhammer. "That isn't your burden." Those words were like a knife, and she hated saying them.

"It is." Quiet, and filled with it's own dark stories to tell, but they weren't the type to actually say any of it. They were both secretive, and the hushed amalgamation of truths unspoken, and fears untold, filled the air thick with something neither of them could define. "This is entirely my fault." She could carry that weight, that sin upon her shoulders. She would do so until her dying breath, if nothing else ever came of it, she could do that, at the very least. "It's not yours, it's mine." She would be damned if Shizuru thought she wouldn't at least try...

Attempt to fix things, to put them back together, to normalcy...into something...anything...but this.

Still the tears that flowed over her thumbs trickled down, landing on her leather, before finally sliding down to touch the grass. She could watch each droplet fall, traveling away from them. As if they were fleeing away from some horrific event, as if whatever was dancing around in Shizuru's head, those feelings needed an escape. They ran away via the tears that would fall endlessly, if something wasn't done...if some protection wasn't offered. Still, there was something unwavering about that idea.

Her heart hammered, but the hesitant breath made her lungs scream out, and Natsuki didn't dare gift them precious oxygen. Instead, she was caught, frozen by the pools of liquid truth, that bothered her into profound distraction. "Stop." Her voice was so far gone, and the strength she had within her had melted. It had morphed into an entirely new emotion. She could deal with impassioned rage, dark lust, and even a stone wall...but she couldn't stand to see this, and her limbs felt heavy. "I can deal with a lot of things, Shizuru...but I can't deal with this." Natsuki couldn't understand something so mystifying. It was sudden, and with her chest like a rock, she found there was little she could do...nothing made sense anymore. There were many sides, shapes, and colors, for Shizuru's show of love, and Natsuki had seen many of them, but she'd never seen this. "Not on my own."

The woman was trembling at her touch, as if fearful, as if Natsuki was appraising her, as if being worthy came at a price no one could ever afford.

Still, there wasn't a price to speak of, and the chips had been put down, lost by a gamble. One made a long time ago. There was nothing to say, and crimson eyes lowered to the ground. Confusion filled her heart, denial found her mind was already at war with her. The hope that had been there began to dim out, into a flame filled with blackness, a tainted wish. Shizuru wanted the darkness to leave, but she also knew, that darkness was apart of her that would never go away. "It won't go away." Her feelings wouldn't ebb, try though she might to make them vanish. "I can't stop being like this."

"Then why are you trying to force it?" Natsuki answered softly, pulling Shizuru close to her. They'd kissed in the heat of battle. They'd clung onto madness as if it were their only hope within the world...and now, Natsuki was daring to ask what most people would never dare to question.

"Why are you trying to keep it?" The rebuttal Shizuru had was strong.

The questions went unanswered...and days ebbed on into weeks...and weeks led onward until time wasn't something Shizuru cared to count...and as it trickled by, like the droplets that fall from the sky on today's dreary day, she realized that no matter how long she kept up appearances, she longed for Natsuki, and would always want to be by her side. Fixation had become her damnation, and no matter what she did, she couldn't bring herself to admit that one single truth.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Last Petal  
Word Two: Argent**

The light flickered out as she cursed under her breath. The slow drawl of the afternoon had finally gotten to her. Chores kept her hands busy, but not her mind. The small of baked goods kept her appetite in check, though, if she were honest, she craved something more. The doldrums were not something new, but she wished dearly they would stop tormenting her. there was little she could do about it, and she hated sulking around. She tried everything to keep her mind busy, including resorting to old work she'd left undone.

Now though, even that was losing any [power](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8929098/3/The-Last-Petal) it had, to keep her thoroughly amused. Now there were only simple tasks left. Tasks most people would fix as soon at it happened, but Shizuru simply put off. Now, she had to change the light bulb. She would normally avoid the study when the bulb broke, because she needed to stand on the table in order to change it. Still, she found herself without a tall man around, and she rather not end up sitting in the dark. With practiced motions over to the closet, she reached for the box, grabbing a new one from within. She often did for herself, even if others offered to help. Minor fixes, or something simple, she found she didn't need fawning over. In fact, she hated that. Though, she had to admit, it was a passing annoyance to reach over her head to tackle this particular problem.

She wasn't a man's woman. She wasn't even a woman's woman. She was a solitary woman. In nature a social butterfly, who simply found the masses overbearing. She didn't like loneliness, but hated appearances. She had very few friends, and of those that she could count on her hand, she could only trust three of them completely.

A cold chill flowed over her, the wind gusting outside told of how nippy the weather became. A windchill while not uncommon, made for a rather unpleasant day. Freezing rain was the least of her worries. She hoped beyond all hope, that the dorm didn't lose [power](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8929098/3/The-Last-Petal). If so, she would be miserably huddled under her covers seeking warmth. It was unlikely to occur, but it did happen in the past once or twice. It was a passing interest, a thought that had ghosted past.

The last time the dorm had lost power, she'd called Natsuki.

For what it was worth, the woman of midnight tresses, and the attitude of a panther, had come at the lonely, shivering request. She'd come out of friendship, but back then, Natsuki was blissfully unaware of anything around her. She'd come bearing blankets and a few candles. It was by pure coincidence that one of them had been jasmine scented. It was cruel, how a light bulb could remind her of such kindness. Of how she'd been held to keep warm, and Natsuki, unbeknownst to even herself, had set alight so many desires that Shizuru had cradled deeply within her heart. The most simple action something beyond conjecture.

She needed to feel Natsuki's warmth on cold days like today...and, just like the coming of a messiah, Natsuki called the phone...and just like the advocate of the devil, Shizuru let it ring. Waiting for the answering machine to pick up the call.

The long suffering sigh told Shizuru of Natsuki's own pain, recently in had become clear that Natsuki was being eaten alive by their lack of communication. No matter what she did, she couldn't deny that fact. Guilt made her mind feel dizzy, and she forced herself to sit down. The answering machine pulled Shizuru from her contemplative state. The calm, yet thoughtful serenity lost by the vexed voice being recorded. "Okay, listen, we need to talk. Pick up the damn phone, or I'm going to come over." The click at the end was near damnable...

Yet, the vibrating cell phone in her pocket was beyond sacrilege.

She knew her feelings hadn't been portrayed in the best of lights, but she felt as if Natsuki's devotion was a demon that she just couldn't take...still, she couldn't force herself to accept the mere idea that Natsuki may actually be hurting. That Natsuki may feel anything at all towards her. It would be better if nothing had occurred between them. If fighting and confessions had stayed bottled up.

Natsuki wanted Shizuru to feel something. She insisted it was alright, that sinful feelings were not so damnable. That dark desires didn't have to be suppressed.

It was music to hear such words, but they also taunted her. Women don't bed down with other women. It's uncouth. Simple fact, and that was also part of the problem. Shizuru was not altogether comfortable about her sexuality. Even once she let go of her obsession, she still struggled, her coming out had not been well received by anyone, not even herself. The manner in which she'd done it had frightened her.

So, she did the only thing she could do.

She didn't dare let herself fall from the shield she'd built. It was her own little routine to shun her very nature, even if her heart wished little more than to call Natsuki back, and fall into those kind arms that awaited her. She forced herself to ignore everything as she sat on the sofa, her eyes looking blankly at the book she'd picked up. The text mindlessly telling her that there was a storm brewing on the lower floors of the building, and that rampage could only belong to one tornado...

The buzz of her phone alerted her senses, but she didn't dare look at it, as she slammed the button on it nearly immediately. No sooner had she hung up that a door made a snick, as Natsuki entered uninvited. "Oh, for gods sake. Quit the silent treatment already." It took a moment for Shizuru to realize, Natsuki was at the door, and the phone was the least of her worries. The woman was furious, and her anger fell into the air merely by her breath. Shizuru watched quietly, never having seen such confused anger...

Rage the tip of the iceberg.

"Huh?" It was unintelligent, but also staggered. "I beg your pardon?" She reached for her mind to come back to her, but she couldn't quite force herself into such a state. It was quite out of the blue. "Natsuki, what on earth..." She didn't dare question it, but she had many others lingering in her eyes. She could feel them swirling around.

Natsuki was hiding everything that might explain something. "Damn it, Shizuru. Stop avoiding me all the time." Natsuki's rage cooled easily, as tired shoulders slumped in defeated agony. "Idiot..." Her words were not at all viscous. Though she looked as if she wanted to be. "I expected better from you." Her lips were pulled into a scowl, and her teeth were clenched. "Honestly, this silent treatment has been going on for weeks." She couldn't breath, and her wavering voice told of things that gave hope. "There's only so much one person can take."

Shizuru didn't want hope...she wanted to be left alone.

Somewhere along the line, she knew she'd already put on her mask. Natsuki looked sickened, and confused, as if questioning why she was even trying in the first place. Shizuru couldn't offer anything as she sat there, blankly grasping onto nothing. Natsuki, her Natsuki...she was beyond help, so far gone, that soothing words would do nothing for her pained stance. Her face well hidden, her eyes concealed, truth always something just out of reach for both of them. She was soaked to the bone, but Shizuru couldn't even find her voice to offer her a dry towel. Natsuki's fists were clenching, and her body had been sprinkled with angry little notes.

Shizuru dared not to mend the pain.

She couldn't do anything, for fear of breaking the woman in front of her more. "You fought with Nao again, didn't you?" She tried to keep her voice gentle, she wanted to be a master of deception, if only so that she could end this meeting without casualty. "If you're hurt, you should go to a doctor." If she could keep brushing Natsuki off, she hoped eventually she could put her feelings behind the both of them. Natsuki, however, was becoming persistent.

As if she wanted feelings tying her down. That the love of another didn't irk her, sicken her very core. The foundation simply insane by nature. An abomination at best, and no one dared think the worst.

Shizuru was trying to protect them both. Was trying her best to make the love she had dissipate into nothing. She tried so desperately to make herself into a normal woman, with normal dreams. She tried dearly to be the picture perfect image everyone around viewed her as, that her fans praised. She couldn't be that woman. Her heart wouldn't allow it. Neither would Natsuki, who would not think to allow such a painful outcry.

Souls begged for solace that Shizuru's mind would not allow, and that Natsuki's inexperience stumbled over.

"I'm not hurt, just tired." Yet Natsuki knew nothing of devotion either, of being there for someone, even if she dearly wished she could. She was an icy woman incapable of love, but, that didn't mean she found herself incapable of actually knowing pain when she saw it. Etching paths of torment, it would have to stop. She'd be damned to let that part go on, but even if Natsuki Kuga was many things, she was not a romantic. A woman's subtleties were lost on a woman like her. Independent, with everything she did, she hated to rely on anyone. "Really, really tired."

Even for something as simple as feelings...sharing emotions still a new concept. "I got into a fight with Haruka, over you of all people." Yet, Natsuki fired back the calm explanation, and Shizuru frowned inwardly. "She's worried about you, and she's bitching at me, like I'm the answer for everything." Natsuki knew little of tactful words, or soft phrases. They came to her at a snails pace, and it was rare when they decided to come at all. "I had to come and check in after that...if Haruka was worried..." Natsuki trialed off, seemingly uncaring, but the hint was there, all the same.

"Natsuki..." Shizuru could feel her mask slipping, and she wanted so much to just give in. She worried the inside of her lip, trying not to let her mask fall. Natsuki was an expert at breaking it away, and she refused to let stone become porcelain again. "That sounds unlike either of you. You normally ignore Haruka, and she avoids you." Yet her eyebrows furrowed, and she hated it, that something could give her a hint like that. "What did she say to you?" Yet another thing that proved Natsuki's feelings. Another reason why she should deny her own, to save her person most precious.

These feelings truly were insanity.

"It doesn't matter." The retort came forced, and strangled. Shizuru held her breath when Natsuki's voice continued to sound that way. "I ended up punching the brick of the school. I have shitty aim without my powers." Shizuru could feel her fists tightening around the cloth of her pants. She wanted that horrific sound to go away...because she knew that even though it was the shallow breathing that made her voice so uneven, Natsuki rarely had such a problem in the first place. "I came up here, because when I called you, trying to figure out why, I got met with avoidance. I was kinda worried."

"Sit down, at least make yourself comfortable." She simply loathed the mere idea of torturing herself...knowing there would be no amount of happiness at the end of this road.

"No need." Natsuki rejected the fact that she wanted help, and instead slumped into the wall, before stretching. "I just wanted to make sure..." With an ache in the pit of her eyes, she slowly stepped forward, getting near enough to Shizuru that the woman was merely an arm's length away. "You're okay, that's all that matters." She was tired with relief, as if, whatever had been playing in her mind had been the worst of situations.

Natsuki bit her lip then, as she reached out with a trembling hand. She paused, the hesitancy returning as she sighed and finally she pulled her long dark hair behind her ear. "I know what you want Shizuru." She said then, and began, much to her own dismay, to rid herself of many layers of leather that protected her. "I understand it...I get it." It began swiftly with her boots, and then the socks that would cover her feet. "I'm just not strong enough to do it." Her jacket came next, one that was form fitting, even when she wasn't wearing her body suit.

That damnable suit of blacks, reds and blues. That was the last thing she had. "So, if this is what I have to do, to make you understand..." Natsuki's face tinged the darkest color it had ever been as she dragged down the zipper that normally kept her armor snugly in place. "I want you to be happy, you know? I don't like the lying, or the hiding."

Throwing her leathers off to the side, she stood there in one of her more docile sets of underwear. The matching bra and panties sheer. Colored in a creamy white befitting of the midnight woman. This was considered normal by Natsuki's standards, and it wasn't exactly a style she would consider worthy of showing off. No, Natsuki had other things in her collection for that, this was merely an every day, casual set, at least in Natsuki's book. The woman such an avid collector of fine clothing, and steamy, lacy numbers were always the cream of the crop. "If this is what you want, here you go. You can have me."

Perhaps that's what has captivated Shizuru the most, knowing Natsuki hadn't been planning this. Her body trembled not in anticipation, but instead in uncertainty. "Natsuki, I don't understand." This wasn't normal, it wasn't safe. It was something extra ordinary, but also, dangerous, like venom. It was like a fire had started licking at her core, a heated flame burning her in places she never thought possible, simply gazing at the gifts placed not only on display, but on the table as an offer.

It was a price she couldn't pay.

"You think it's wrong..." Natsuki said then, her voice wavering. "It's not wrong..." She wanted to just get rid of these last layers of cloth, but she hadn't realized she would have to do it herself. She thought for sure, if she began to taunt the woman of flaxen tresses, that she would be freed from her cloth like prison without delay. However, she should have also expected Shizuru's analytical mind to notice a problem under the surface. "I can kiss you, and all that crap all I want, but that won't ever work, will it?" Shizuru needed a solid push off of the nearest cliff it seemed, and this was the only way. "So here I am, Shizuru. Where do you want me?"

Crimson eyes glazed over, the pure audacity of the situation not lost on her, as she simply shook her head and sighed, a dark chuckle trying to slip from her lips. She put her hand to her face, trying to rub away the tiredness she'd felt. Natsuki was clearly out of her mind, but the insinuation was something mildly amusing. "Foolish girl." This couldn't mend anything, it couldn't solve anything. "Please, put your clothes back on, Natsuki. It wouldn't due, taking you like this." Tempting the sinful nature from within would do nothing. It would addle her mind surely, but that was entirely counter intuitive.

A whispered reply was all she could manage, but even she felt lost now. "Why the hell not?" Natsuki was without her usual bluster, and had abandoned her more aggressive outcry. Confusion in her voice hardly there at all. It was the softness, the sound a husky resonance, that gave away the pain of rejection.

"You don't want this." Shizuru could see it, had seen it from the beginning. She could tell it was a desperate plea. "You're skittish, Natsuki...afraid of things like this. You couldn't possibly-"

"How do you know what I want!" Natsuki's voice was high pitched with embarrassment at that, and the red in her cheeks refused to go away. "I know better than you do."

Shizuru shook her head and approached the younger woman. "Such anger doesn't suit you." Her voice was a gentle purr as she sighed in Natsuki's warm scent. "Provocation doesn't either, Natsuki." No, there was something forced about this, and she didn't like the unnaturally brazen action, as if it was Natsuki's last desperate plea for attention. "But, I'll show you what you do want." Natsuki was stunning, and she felt her core begin to burn even more when she let herself get close enough to actually feel the woman's warmth against her own in an embrace. Natsuki's shivered when Shizuru enveloped her into a hug, the action innocent, but enough. "Go into my room and put something dry on, and then pick out a movie. I'll go make us some lunch."

"That doesn't make any sense." The retort was dry, and yet, befuddled.

"Love never does, Natsuki." Shizuru pulled away, before temptation could overwhelm her. "I told you I'd show you, but, you can't do it all in a day. You'll see, Natsuki."


	4. Chapter 4

**The Last Petal  
Word Three: I** **ndistinct**

Her eyes glimmered as she looked out, sitting on the veranda, as if she'd been awaiting something. I stood there, committing to memory everything I could. Right down to the way her dress seemed to flow freely over her body. Shizuru's that kind of woman. She's so easy going, sometimes you forget how soft she really is. How her breath isn't so carefree, but instead, quite heavy. She doesn't want you to know all that she fears, her [pain](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8929098/4/The-Last-Petal) falling through the broken mirror that her eyes become, sometimes without her even noticing. During the darkest of nights, when she looks into her own heart, seeking answers better left alone.

Times like this.

When the moon rises high, and her blood red eyes shimmer in the dim light like rubies. As if, looking for hope in places she can't seem to reach out for, the stars ignorant of her wish. The cool air unlike anything, the numbness so well concealed, that even as her full, beautiful lips become pale to the cold. She doesn't care. She waits...as if, someone will save her. Safety however, is very cruel thing. I wanted to protect her, from everything, even myself. Still, like a woman who bathes in blood, her sins fall over her, ghosts of her past, she can't undo. I wish I could help.

I wish, I could make it all go away, but I can't.

I am not the stars falling from the burning needs of [desire](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8929098/4/The-Last-Petal), and requiems of flame. I am not god. I am only human. A woman, same as her...a lost lover, who knows nothing of what I should. The things I do know, are but a fleeting dream. Ones wafting against a tapestry of loathing, and regret...the winds of life carrying them without pretense. I wish rain would come and wash away the dust, the stains, and leave behind the milky white purity her heart longs for. To my dismay, I wish I could speak to her the way I think. Beautifully, the way a poem dances across the page. I would like to tell her these things, but, I find it difficult, one look into her eyes, and it makes me uneasy. Her eyes, trickle sadness as if blood from veins. The clarity something majestic, and yet, forbidden.

She can only see a monster within herself. I see something more...something, breathtaking...

She makes me sound like an idiot...like I'm stupid. I stutter, and fumble around, lost for words. I hated that...that she could so easily turn the tables for her favor. That she could dance around the wall I put up. She, like a melody, could sway my mood, and my actions, merely with a crescendo of her beautiful voice. I doubt she understood the power she had back then...and the power she has over me now. I doubt she understands at any length, the truth behind who she really is...and what the HiME were meant to do after the fighting ended.

We all looked for ourselves...I know I did...I just didn't find anything. My life, shambles, I had nothing left to find in the ruble...just fragments of my past that I never really wanted.

So, if I were to look up at the sky at night, the way she does, when we sit and just talk...or sometimes, just watch, not ever saying a word, I know I'd be upset. I'd be lost. Trying to find an answer that the stars just can't give. That the gods would never allow. Redemption never within her sights. Forsaken, but her own dark whims. Shizuru, she really is beautiful...trapped, shackled by her inner demons, perhaps...but still, very radiant in her own way. I wish to unlock her, of her very sin...the sin of love. If I am to burn in hell, then let the flames engulf me...it would not be the first time I'd be scorned by the world around me...but it would indeed be the last.

If that madness wanted to overtake me, I would laugh...the pit of hell unaware of just how far I would go for that woman...after all, I died once didn't I? It would freeze over, by my hands alone...a dish, a life, best served cold...because if I ever lost Shizuru, there would be hell to pay. Until then, I shall dress her sorrow, and feed the beast. I believe a monster who's been satiated, gifted, and warmed...that monster would no longer want to be such frightening beast.

It would become tame...unlike the most rabid of animals, who see only of insanity...it would calm, it would stop craving, it would be content...and it would learn to wane a gentle tune in the evening sky, to let forth a melody, harmony within the soul...I feel as if that's what Shizuru wants most.

To bathe in her darkness...to never forget those who faced her wrath, never to come back...to feed her inner beast, not with revenge or hate...but with memory and remorse.

To breath again.  
To smile.  
To live.  
To be.  
To just exist within this world as what she is.

A HiME...


	5. Chapter 5

**The Last Petal  
Word Four: Remedy**

She was prone to illness. She just has this way about her, that whenever the weather seemed to change, she would find herself in bed with a cold, or at the very least, a high fever. She knew she had a good immune system, so she couldn't blame her constant illnesses on that. Although, if she were honest, she also couldn't say she lived the healthiest of lifestyles either. If she were to blame anything, she could count off many reasons. Her sleeping schedule was lackluster at best, and at worst, nonexistent. Her idea of food was what anyone happened to feed her, as if she were a puppy dependent on table scraps. Sure, she could just go out and buy food, but, she knew when left to her own devices, she ordered out, and lived off of a [high cholesterol](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8929098/5/The-Last-Petal), and sodium rich diet.

Tasty perhaps, but surely not healthy by any means.

She was lucky though, because now, in her adult life, she had others to look after her. She was lucky to have others who cared enough to say something, or at least provide for her the maternal instincts that she lacked. Mai offered food, Shizuru offered solace, and between them both, Natsuki was well protected from many of her own idiosyncrasies. A gentle reminder that mayo packets and noodles, a meal would never make, at the forefront of nearly everything the two women in her life did. Mai's sisterly devotion was something Natsuki put up with, and she tolerated more of the nagging from Mai, than she would ever tolerate from Shizuru.

She never understood why that was, because she felt more attached to Shizuru, and, it was no question that Shizuru was more important. Natsuki often wondered about that. Mai was the one she let baby her, even if it was with great dismay, even then. Shizuru was a different matter, an entirely different story. Natsuki could almost consider this payback...but it wasn't like she wanted to see Shizuru this way. It was almost like a gift from the gods, but Natsuki wished she could be the one curled up in bed, taking away the slow torture that illness inflicted.

Everything perfect in one's life however, would sometimes deiced to turn her world upside down, and today, unfortunately was one of those days.

Shizuru was unwell on this drafty afternoon. Natsuki for lack of anything better to do, sat the edge of the bed, peering at the resting woman in front of her, quite unsure how to deal with the situation. Natsuki, normally, preferred to be left well enough alone, and Mai wanted to cling to everyone in sight. Shizuru wanted occasional company to ward off loneliness, and didn't mind someone doting upon her. Though, Natsuki knew more often than not, Shizuru would rather do for herself. With such a woman as difficult as Shizuru, it was hard to tell when she truly wanted help, and when she wanted to kick everyone out of her general vicinity.

Shizuru wasn't going to be the type to push her away though. Even if she wanted to be left alone, Natsuki knew she wouldn't hear an utterance pertaining to that fact. It would be hit and miss...a game Natsuki wasn't fond of playing on the best of days. Natsuki resigned herself to the pure fact that this would be torture. "You really should eat." She'd try over and over again. "Tell me what you want, and I'll go get it." Shizuru, however, was not being cooperative.

"These saltines taste just fine Natsuki, I assure you." Shizuru sighed a little then, melting into her pillow, wanting little more than to fall asleep. Her lips were pale, and her eyes were shadowed in need of rest, she was still such a woman to be difficult in times like this.

Natsuki however just merely sighed, she wouldn't give up. "Soup then." She told Shizuru, her fingers brushing away the damp bangs, Shizuru's fever breaking yet again, as it seemed to do every afternoon before coming back at night. It was not the first time she'd ever seen Shizuru in such a state...it was however, the first time she'd ever given thought to such a thing. Caring for another such as Shizuru wasn't easy.

So much apprehension lingered in her eyes. A subtle fear of actually needing help, well, that was it now wasn't it?

They never really knew how to ask. Pride and embarrassment were two things they both fought against. To seek refuge, to ask for help in anything, well it was normally alright when the help itself didn't leave you down, and at the mercy of another. Yet, with Shizuru in such a state, sure, she could lay around in bed, sooner or later, the cold would go away on it's own. People really didn't need a nursing or a guiding hand. Not for something so simple, not when they were both usually healthy, normal young women. "Soup..." It was a silent agreement, and although it would come from a can, at lest it was within the heart, and kindness was the seed.

When Natsuki left the room, Shizuru pondered that even more. How many times had she barged in, looking after Natsuki during a time such as this? Forcing her willpower, and her love onto such a woman? Purely because it was all she could do. It was all in good fun, and affection could be lavished freely back then. Natsuki hadn't caught on. Now though, Natsuki's eyes had been opened. She knew of the love and devotion that stirred deeply within those reddened irises. Natsuki wasn't blind anymore, and that made Shizuru conflicted. There were so many times when she'd simply dealt with things on her own...and she wished that yet again, today would be one of them.

Still, there was something in the worry of Natsuki's eyes. Though she knew the soup came from a can, when Natsuki reentered, Shizuru couldn't send her away. She wished she could, and desperately wanted to be the one to shoo off the unwanted attention. Natsuki could barely look after herself without becoming a human tornado, let alone look after anyone else. The fact that her hands were reddening from a burn, it told Shizuru all she needed to know. She feigned sleep, her eyes closed, not only to ward away the throbbing pain in her head, but also, because a nap indeed sounded lovely.

At least then she could be unaware of how disgusting she felt.

Clinking of glass alerted her to the fact that Natsuki was near, and the shallow breath that slipped from her lips was quiet enough to sooth Shizuru's rapidly beating heart. "You don't have to be so strong all the time." Natsuki murmured then, as she drew closer to Shizuru, kissing her on the forehead. "I know you don't think so, but I am here...not really anywhere else." Before she could back away entirely, she felt a clammy hand grasp onto her own.

"What I'm afraid of, is that one day you won't be." It was a gentle admission, but it had taken immense strength to say.

"I will be." Natsuki seemed to know that. "As far as I know anyway, I'm not going anywhere."


End file.
